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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Disciplinary alligator

If you ride while I drive for any period of time you'll quickly learn that I manage an on-going review of the driving habits of those around me, especially the poor drivers, and by poor, I mean those with little or no skill, not money. Hell, we're all poor these days.

Exceed the posted limit, even in the left lane, and listen up for your review. The number on that sign is neither a suggestion nor a challenge.

Don't use your turn signal. Leave your turn signal on. I know, yes, you bought it that way, and there's no reason to change what God has put into place.

Turn left from a driveway against multiple lanes of traffic. Hold up traffic while you stop and wait in the lane to make a left turn. Does no one remember how to make a left or right by making three rights or lefts?

Weave through traffic like frogger, and watch what happens, if you live. Most of us know already how frogger ends.

Lately, I've been making more driving trips for work than usual, mainly because people have been wanting to work in places like DC. It takes a little longer to drive than to fly, but when driving, we have our own autonomy, our own tunes, our own choice of snacks, and our own lumbar support. There's a lot to be said for that.

The train is tempting, especially between Raleigh and DC, and the business class would work well, but it leaves at the crack of dawn, which is just not permitted by my religion.

Occasionally on these road trips, I have the luxury of a navigator, a good friend who is willing to scout upcoming road signs for the opportunity to gallivant about DC for a couple of days. If you're familiar with Dr. Who, think Romana, his traveling companion, but without the sonic screwdriver.

After a couple of these trips, Denise, my occasional traveling companion, is well versed in my Litany of the Drivers, which is punctuated with frequent "When I'm queen of the realm, my alligators will eat you." To help with those trips where I'm left to travel alone, she gave me my newest car bud.

This fellow is going to be well fed.


  1. Larry Block wrote a short story titled "Like a Bug on a Windshield," which scared the bejeezus out of me. It's about a trucker who metes out justice to the sort of people you encounter in an 18-wheel fashion.

    I think I prefer the alligator, which I at least have a chance - slim, to be sure - of outrunning. I like your 'gator, hon.

  2. That business with a trucker also made a series of B SyFy flicks. If you missed them, consider yourself lucky.